bila mata terbuka..

Assalamua'alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barokatuh,
and good day!

so i've been away to my sister house for hari malaysia holiday.
so, as i'm there, i rarely contact anybody. except if its important.
yeah , bad habit of mine.

then, i come back to uni yesterday...
open facebook, as per usual...

then i receive the news,
inna lillah hi wainna ilaihir rajiun...
my senior mom has passed away at 5pm that evening. 17/9/13..

and also, i received the news that my junior grandma has passed away too that very morning..

i'm closed to both of them.. like little family in uni..

its broke my heart to hear the news...

so today, we've been to graveyard to visit the family...
there, i keep thinking, what if,
this situation happens to me?

what if,
i lost either one of my parents...
i couldnt bear to even imagine that...

and what if..
this very moment, ALLAH taken me away from this world?

has my life in this world has been fruitful??
have i done enough??
will i go to hell or heaven?
am i ready for the punishment?


Allahu..

ive been living this perfect world for 22 years now..

what has i contribute to my parents?
what has i contribute to the ummah??

a very scary though,
i realised, im not prepared..
to lost someone dear to me, or
to DIE...

bila mata masih terbuka aku ingin menyumbang,
bila mata masih terbuka aku ingin berkhidmat,
bila mata masih terbuka aku ingin berbakti,
bila mata masih terbuka aku inginberjuang..

aku tidak tahu,
entah bila masanya,
mataku tertutup buat selamanya,

aku tidak tahu,
entah bila masanya,
badanku lemah longlai tidak berguna,

aku tidak tahu,
entah bila masanya,
mataku terbeliak,
lidahku kaku,
melihat malaikatul maut di depan mata..

oleh itu,
saat aku masih bernyawa,
aku ingin berbuat sesuatu,
aku ingin tinggalkan sesuatu,
buat bekalanku di alam lagi satu..

aku ingin SYAHID!



ALLAhumma aminn...


"ana romyun min rimaatil Islam"
inshaa ALLAH...